meforreal4

I cannot wait until summer. I'm tired of the cold. On a more positive note, this weekend was a good one.

I haven't written in a while, let alone anything of consequence, sooooooo here I go:

Last night I had a dream that I was doing another Schenley Musical, only it was some sort of revival version so everyone was in college still, we were just back in high school doing this show. And we were learning a dance number back in the hall behind the stage. The two choreographers, Pam and someone else were teaching it. And everyone kept asking questions about the dance, but they kept saying "Pam & Laura, Pam & Laura" because they didn't realize that the other girl wasn't Laura, and Pam kept getting more and more upset, but no one would correct them. And I could see that Pam was just breaking down like she had at the funeral so I started yelling. "Stop saying that! Laura's dead! Laura's dead!" And it was so wierd because I almost didn't believe it myself. I mean, there can't be a Schenley musical that our class does where she isn't there, it doesn't fit. And even now, while I'm awake, after I went to the funeral, after I've seen all the evidence, I still can't believe it. I just don't get it.

This morning I woke up feeling like absolute shit. I felt guilty, and lonely, and frustrated with my life in general. Because today was one of those days where I realized how dissatisfied I am with this year. With myself and with factors outside of my control. Sure, in general, life is great, I'm healthy, I'm getting an education, I have people that love me, etc. But I'm not challanged at school. I do nothing all day but watch movies. My only friends at school are people I met within the first week because we live together. They're awesome, but I really haven't made an effort. I need an extra curricular, but I feel like there's nothing here that I want to get involved in or that would really strike my fancy. Also, I miss nick more than anything. I make myself sick thinking about how much I miss high school. I should be over that. it's been over a semester. i don't want high school to be the best years of my life. But as of now, it is. And if I don't change anything, college is shaping up to be pretty shitty and unfulfilling.

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watching the puddles gather rain
and all i can do is just pour some tea for two
And speak my point of view
but it's not sane
It's not sane...

And I don't understand
Why i sleep all day
And i start to complain that there's no rain
and all i can do is read a book to stay awake
and it rips my life away but it's a great escape...


I kind of miss old school professions of love (not that i would exchange mine for anything else):

"Since I knew you, I have been troubled by a remorse that i thought would never reproach me again, and have heard whispers from old voices impelling me upward, that I thought were silent forever. I have had unformed ideas of striving afresh, beginning anew, shaking off sloth and sensuality and fighting out the abandoned fight. A dream, all a dream, that ends in nothing, and leaves the sleeper where he lay down, but I wish you to know that you inspired it."

-Sydney Carton, Tale of Two Cities

So I actually like my Global Community and my Poverty and Discrimination in America classes. Can I forge a major out of that somehow? hmmm...

so i did one of these things...



WHITES are motivated by PEACE, seek independence

and require kindness. They resist

confrontation at all costs. (Feeling good is

more important than being good.) They are

typically quiet by nature, they process

things very deeply and objectively, and they

are by far the best listeners of all the

colors. They respect people who are kind, but

recoil from perceived hostility or verbal

battle.

WHITES need their quiet independence and refuse to

be controlled by others. WHITES want to do

things their own way, in their own time. They

ask little of others, and resent others

demanding much of them. WHITES are much

stronger than people think because they dont

reveal their feelings. WHITES are kind,

non-discriminate, patient and can be

indecisive, timid, and silently stubborn.

When you deal with a WHITE, be kind, accept

(and support) their individuality, and look

for nonverbal clues to their feelings.


What Color Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

so i have the sneezes. And college is mostly boring. but my classes are enjoyable and counting crows make me feel good. My parents sent me a package that includes: a terrible towel, valentine's day socks, and cookies. yay!

Carissa reminded me that my livejournal existed earlier today, so i felt compelled to write something. But the thing is... well... umm... I have nothing to report. I don't feel like launching into potential plans for next year (i don't really like thinking about it either), describing my schedule of classes in great detail, or discussing another one of my flaws that i have uncovered as of late. basically, the moral of this entry is: PITTSBURGH'S GOIN TO THE SUPERBOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



yes. bitches. that one for the thumb? here we come.

Middle age is depressing. Although I can hardly wait for my mid-twenties, i really can wait for that. ugh.


My mouth hurts.


I'm getting antsy. I feel like I should be doing something.

i spent all day reading.


my GPA is, thusfar, quite a bit higher than I originally thought it would be.


i miss nick.


I have jenna's pajamas.


She has my earring.


I have eva's Dirty Dancing tape.

Question of the day:

Why do parents care if you sleep late or leave your dirty clothes on the floor?

Last night abe, raf, beyvan, erin, and I played taboo. Although erin and raf pretty much killed the rest of us, it was a wicked good time. yes, i used wicked in a sentence. how new england of me. Saw Narnia last night... alex made a good point the other day--- CS Lewis really does seem a lot more Christian now than he did when i was a kid. The graphics were pretty awesome, but honestly, nothing compares to the magic of those BBC VHS tapes. Also, peter is going to be hot when he grows up. Susan looks like Liv Tyler, but her acting makes me want to punch her in the face. Edmund has always pissed me off, but that's just his character. Lucy was endearing, but her face was kinda messed up. In conclusion, the beavers were sweet. As was Mr. Tumnis.


this is a terribly boring entry.

my apologies.

Vacation is definitely a good thing. I spent all day yesterday watching Dawson's Creek and my plan today is to read one of my new books. either that or think about next year, which i would definitely rather put off. On the other hand, my mother is driving me insane and I can honestly say that I'm 100% glad that i did not take a year off and live at home.